So tired

The past couple nights Jude has reverted to his first week nighttime behavior pattern. Which means that he will sleep for 3-4 hours at a time during the day, no matter how hard we try to keep him awake, and then at night he'll be awake for 2 hours at a time, 30 minutes of that he's nursing, and the other 90 minutes are spent either staring wide-eyed at Matthew and me or screaming inconsolably.

It's so hard when your child is crying and you have no idea what to do to help. Jude scrunches up his face and he looks at me pleadingly with those huge, dark, tear-filled eyes and I just want to die because I can't make the bad stuff go away.

Everything you try seems fruitless. Shhhh-ing will work for 5 minutes and then just when you think he's drifting off to dreamland the screaming starts up again. Swaddling will work for a little while, but then teeny weeny Houdini wiggles his way free just enough to have a tiny arm flail up in the air and jolt himself out of sleepiness. Walking around the apartment while bouncing and singing is a miracle cure... as long as the walking and singing never stops.

This is what life is like with a 3 week old baby. It's typical. It's totally normal and everyone struggles with this stage.

If only knowing that made it even one bit easier.