Pardon Me, Is That A Giant Phallus?

Drawing courtesy of NatalieDee. She rocks. You should check out her site for holiday gifts if you need a gift for someone with a sense of humor. Or someone w/o a sense of humor. Maybe that's even better. It could be an educational gift of sorts. "What do you want for Christmas, little girl?" "Santa, I'd like for all the jackasses with no senses of humor to get something from NatalieDee's website."



I was originally going to expound on the reasoning behind the phallic symbols this nation uses as monuments to great (or seemingly great) men. Upon realization that the reasoning is painfully obvious I've decided to talk about the holidays instead.

There has been a development at the Spoke In The Wheel household recently. We have a tree. We do. A tree. We have one. It's way cute. It's 3' tall and it's the first time I've ever had an artificial tree in my 28 years. I thought until now that the artificial tree epidemic in this country was disgusting. Something about the lack of pine scent and all that. But I've realized several things. 1) if we had a real tree I'd be sad because it would be entirely unnatural in this Miami climate (at least up North I can fool myself into thinking it's kind of fitting because those types of trees grow up there). 2) if we had a real tree it would probably dry out in 3 days and drop all its pathetic needles all over the floor and Duke would be shitting pine needles for weeks (trees in Miami get trucked in from godknowswhere). 3) I really like my little fake tree.

The man found it for me. He did. He's the best. He is. I love him a whole bunch. He's not much for holidays. Take 'em or leave 'em is pretty much his thing. He's not a scrooge, he just doesn't get jazzed about holidays. If we never got a tree for the rest of time he'd be fine with it. He found the tree solely because he knew I'd feel awful if we didn't have one. We were at my favorite big-box store (Tar-zhay, folks, I digs me some Target) and he walked up with this box. It even has white lights all over it. He's awesome. We brought it home, I made some ornaments, decorated it, and now it's sitting on the table in the living room. It's not the tree of my childhood, or the tree of my dreams, but it's my tree - our tree - and I really like it a lot. The lights twinkle at night and there's just something about the glow given off by a Christmas tree when the house is dark and the world is quiet(er). That's always one of my favorite memories of the holidays. Sitting in front of the tree in silence, alone, thinking, wishing. I do it every year. I'm so glad we have a tree. It makes me smile whenever I see it. Much like the man. He has the ability to inspire grins.

So the holiday spirit is creeping in down here and I'm feeling better about the whole shebang. Going shopping for some supplies this weekend to continue with the creation of gifts and various crafty projects. Bonus feature: the man found a new thrift shop this morning that we're going to check out this weekend. I don't know what I did to lure him into my dangerous web, but I'm thrilled he stumbled in.