round and round...

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Heckle and bark, heckle and bark

I like a lot about Miami. That's my disclaimer. Now on to the rest of it:

Unfortunately the list of things that I don't like about Miami is growing. It's growing by leaps and bounds every day. I try to reconcile myself to the fact that we live in a neighborhood that's rough around the edges and we're "urban pioneers" of some sort, but that doesn't make it much easier to deal with the idiot factor here. It's way high. It's disproportionately high. For example, today the list grew quite a lot based solely on my experience walking to and from the metrorail. I learned that dogs are not the only beings on this planet who bark. Oh no. People bark, too. Well, some people do. The man driving the Lance delivery truck (you know, the chips & crackers people) slowed down to almost a stop, leaned his sweaty body out the open door and barked... at me. Yes, ladies and gents, I was barked at.

Then there was the road crew who yelled obscenities at me when I didn't respond to their calls of "Hey, mamacita" and "Yo, mami, where you been at". I ignored them and kept walking, but one stepped out into the street and began to follow me. If you want to say something, fine. If you want to yell at me, fine. If you want to make as much of an idiot of your pathetic self as you possibly can, fine. But DO NOT act as if you might go beyond words. DO NOT act as if you might harm me in any physical way. DO NOT make me think for one second that I am in danger. That is not cool. That crosses the line. So, I turned and screamed "BACK THE FUCK OFF" to stun him and make him do just that. Not that I really think he would have done anything, but there's being an annoying bother on the way to the train and then there's being a possibly dangerous asshole who makes me afraid for my safety. There was a rather large black man across the street and down the block a bit who heard my yelling. He turned and walked toward us asking if I was alright and then yelled at the guy to leave me alone. It was very cool of him. He pretty much made up for the rest of the douchebags along the way.

Then, on my way home from the train after work, there was a guy riding his bike around the driveway of the train station. Why he was riding his bike around the driveway I'll never know. But, he was shirtless and wearing an orange safety vest. Why? Again, I don't know. All I know is that I was on the phone with K and he rode up next to me, slowed down, and proceeded to talk at me. Not to me, as you see - I was on the phone. "You leeeve aroun heeer?" Um, yeah, OK. I'm going to tell you where I live. You can hardly speak a recognizable language and you're shirtless... on a bike. Sure, come on over, meet my boyfriend. Maybe we can all get drunk and go baby oil wrestling in the bathtub. Grrrr. Right. WAKE UP, BOZO. Welcome to reality.

And another thing for the hecklers - stop acting like you've never seen a white girl before. We're a dime a dozen, albeit on the other side of the Blvd. I'm white, I have blonde hair, I'm kind of cute, I'm well-read and educated, I could rock your world... but never ever will. Now get the hell over it.

Let me revise my previous statement - it's not Miami that irks me. It's some of the people in Miami who irk me. Lucky for me the man is here in Miami. He and Duke make the hassles worth it. ...And then some.

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