I know it's a shocker, but...

I'm going to bitch and moan about something. I know, I know, you can hardly believe it. Whatever.

This is a continuation of the office behavior lessons of yesterday. If you only have one floor to go - how about taking the stairs? See, if you need to go down to the 4th floor from the 5th floor you could actually get there faster if you took the stairs. It's only about 20 stairs. And they go down. Here's a thought - it might reduce the size of your ginormous ass to a reasonable girth over the course of the next year if you adopted this routine.

I know you sit at a desk all day. But, that doesn't give you an excuse for those massive hindquarters. No siree bob, nuh-uh. Simply because you have easy access to junk food and the type of employment that affords you the opportunity to stuff your face with it all day while sitting, completely sedentary, in your cube does not - in any way - mean that you should take advantage of said opportunity. In case you haven't noticed, your "one too many bags of Cheetos" moment came and went sometime in '94. We're about 4,573 bags past that by now. I believe it coincided with the fading out of oversized flannels and heroin chic (shh, don't tell Kate Moss) as the popular trends of the time. So, do yourself a favor, take the damn stairs once in awhile. For real. You add an unecessary 15 seconds to my elevator ride and we all know I'm very important and am needed in other parts of the building. Thanks.