Proud and a little sad

This morning on the way to work, my dad called. He was calling to find out when my fashion show is so he can make sure to be off from work and come up to New York. I had to tell him that the original show was abrputly cancelled, but that there was another one in the works. I'll be sure to tell him as soon as I have a date, but it was pretty painful to have to tell him that he doesn't have to worry about coming up in November. It means the world to me that he wants to come, that he wants to be involved with something I'm doing and show support.

It may seem like a no-brainer to some that my dad would want to be there for my first show. He's the dad, I'm the kid, that's what parents do, right? But, my dad knows nothing about fashion, he doesn't really "get" why I'm excited about design, hell I don't even think he's ever seen any of my work. He's a simple guy, he goes to work, he comes home, he plays golf, he annoys my mom, he goes to work again... he's not into the arts, per se (although he's a sucker for Broadway shows, go figure), and while he finds things that I really enjoy frivolous and silly, he never discourages me from pursuing them.

I think I had my first real adult conversation with my dad a few years ago. I was planning my wedding (thank gawd it didn't actually happen) and there were some people on my ex's side who were making it very tough on me. My dad called, asked me over for dinner, and told me that if anyone calls me about the wedding with any questions or complaints that they need to call him. He said to give out his number like it's the hottest ticket in town and not even talk to whoever was calling. He didn't want me to stress out about a day that should be wonderful. It was very moving. I love my dad, but he and I never really had a very close relationship. I've always been much closer with my mom and my dad hasn't really known how to relate to me. I'm a little "out there" for his taste and I think in some ways it intimidates him. So, when he sat me down like that and spoke to me as his daughter, but also as a bone fide adult, it felt trememdous.

It was awful to tell him that my show had been cancelled. His first reaction was, "Oh no! Really? What happened?" I didn't have an answer for him. That sucked. I mean, it really sucked. I don't know what happened, I don't know why it was cancelled, I have been given no explanation and I don't think I'll ever get one. All I could tell him is that I'm working on a new location and a new date and as soon as I get it he'll be the first to know. He tried to go right into happy mode, cheering me up and saying things like, "Well, you just let me know and I'll be there, OK?" and I could tell he knew I was very disappointed, even though he doesn't really understand why I was jazzed about it in the first place. He knows it's a big deal for me, and that's all he cares about. I think that's great. My dad is awesome. He doesn't have a clue what makes me tick, but he loves me and that's what counts.