Calm Down, Melissa

I hate when I do this. When I over-analyze and work myself into a froth worrying about things that I should just let happen. I do this often. I want to stop, I do. But I'm a worrier. It's a character flaw. I don't think it was caused by my mother (when you reach adulthood there comes a time when you have to assume ownership of your life and take responsibility for the way you are, if you don't like who that is you should work on it - but don't blame your parents for everything until you die), but she had a hand in it. You see, my mom sometimes doesn't tell me things because she "doesn't want to worry me." Why do people do this? It really pisses me off. If you don't want to worry me, then perhaps it's a better game plan to tell me what's going on so I can cope with it in my own way instead of withholding until the situation is truly awful and then dumping it on my head. Like when she was diagnosed with cancer. She was going for biopsies and all sorts of exams for weeks and didn't say a word to me until she needed me to drive her to her out-patient surgery to remove her lymph nodes. Excuse me? She's fine now. Cancer-free for almost 5 years. I wish she would have told me sooner, that's all. Didn't want to worry me. Bah.

This kind of stupid worrying carries over to small things in my life that really shouldn't be a big deal. Like my recent job interview. It's the subject of my current fit of worrying. Will I get the job? Do they like me as much as I thought they liked me? Did I leave them with the impression I thought I left them with or am I just convincing myself I did? The interview was Monday. Last night I wrote both people I met with (not including guy #2 who was a complete asshat) thanking them and all that jazz. I was hoping I'd have a little reply in my inbox this morning, but nothing so far. I know it's unrealistic to expect them to have some kind of confirmation for me 4 days after the interview (or even to respond to my thank you email for that matter), but that doesn't stop me from wishing the anticipation period was over. It also doesn't stop me from worrying that I'm completely distorting the day's events in my mind and I actually screwed the whole thing up rather than put my best foot forward like I thought. I just want to know if I got the job or not so I can either get jazzed up about moving or I can be disappointed for a little bit and deal with it.

It's ridiculous. I need a hobby or something. Sheesh.