Ohm

Today is a better day in many respects. I feel more confident and stable today. Yesterday I was able to stand up for myself in ways that I've not been able to before. I stood my ground, safe in the knowledge that I was entitled to my position and was only being true to myself by expressing the negative emotions resulting from some junk that went down in the morning. Instead of shoving most of my disappointment down inside to be squashed and never heard from again (which is my usual pattern, I have a hard time expressing dissatisfaction with my relationship - as if I carry a fear with me that I'll ruin everything, even when I'm the one who has been wronged. Stupid, I know) I gave voice to my feelings and didn't let any of them be silenced. I'm pretty proud of myself for that. It's the only honest and true thing to have done, which means it wasn't easy.

Things on the relationship front are better, or at least on the way to repair. My spirits are higher than yesterday, for sure. I have New York next weekend to look forward to. It's important for me to have something to anticipate. I've always been this way. Like the present is never enough to satisfy, I look to the future with such high hope that I usually take quite a tumble on the way back to Earth. New York is going to be like medicine for my slightly ill soul at the moment. I'm looking forward to my interview. I'm looking forward to seeing my friends. The best part of all - Kristie's coming to see me! Yes, mah gurrrl is coming to NYC to hang out for a night. She's going to need a little break from everything, too, so I'm glad we get to break it down together. Poor girl is having a hard day today. Send her lots of good vibes if you can.