Johnny Winton, City Commissioner, is an assclown

He's the City Commissioner and he's a ridiculous buffoon. Last night I went out to an event with my friend, Renee. It was held at a luxury condo building downtown. Basically it was a reception for realtors and people interested in buying a condo. Not us, but hey, she had tickets and we went. It was a lot of fun. Open bars with top shelf liquor, complimentary valet, live music, dancers, interesting crowd. This guy, the Commissioner, takes the mic to give a little speech about the developer and the involvement of the mayor's office and a bunch of political rhetoric to puff up his own ego and the image of the city's development plans.

People were talking amongst themselves, it was a cocktail reception after all, and folks were mingling and drinking and eating the passed hors d'ouevres. The general crowd noise got quieter when he started speaking, but everyone wasn't paying full attention. Apparently this was unnacceptable. He began to shush the crowd. Seriously. He said "Shhhhhhhh!!" into the mic as if speaking to a class of first grade children. If you've ever heard anyone blow into a microphone you know that it's a less than pleasant sound. Renee and I looked at each other in disbelief, and noticed that there was a similar reaction coming from a good portion of the crowd. Mr. Commissioner kept going. "Hey, come on now people, settle down. I'm trying to talk here. Shhhhhh! Hey, hey! You're standing in the lobby of a very expensive building, eating free food and drinking booze you didn't pay for so be quiet for a minute and let me talk. I mean it, stop talking! Ladies in the back, you there - shut your mouths. That's is - CLOSE THE BARS! If you don't serve them they'll shut up."

Wow. Pretty impolite and innappropriate, right? This was all before I knew who the hell this idiot was. It got worse. "Yeah, you might think I'm a jerk, but hey, I'm the City Commissioner and you know what? I am a jerk. Now shut up!" Great. I hope that all the out-of-towners at the reception think all of Miami government is like that. I hope they think Miami is filled with self-important blowhards who condescend their peers at every chance. I'm writing a letter to the city to let them know just how rude and embarrassing the Commissioner was last night. It's gonna be a doozy.

Almost as much of a doozy as the creepy 60 year old realtor who wouldn't leave me alone last night. At first it was innocuous conversation. Party banter, you know the type. He got drunker and drunker. Renee and I made our way to the other side of the lobby to get away from him. He found us. "It's really too bad you're not single." Why do stupid men say idiotic things like that? It's too bad? Too bad for who? If I was unnattached I still wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole. He started to grab people walking by and ask, "Have you met my new girlfriend?" while pointing at me. When he slung his slimy South American old man arm around me and kissed my neck with his spitty lips I had to tell him to stop touching me. Immediately. He acted like he was just leaving on his own, but he heard me. Disgusting old man. I bet he's friends with Johnny Winton.

Highlight of the evening - the freestyle tap dancer. He was amazing. Think Savion Glover, but Latino.