The Office - it should be filmed here
I work in a strange place. You've read my tales of Sales Guy, Cuban Lady, Texas Lady, all those whackjobs. I just need to get a couple more things out of my system regarding these idiots, bear with me.
1) Cuban Lady has been sneezing all day. All damn day - without covering her mouth. There's only a 5'6" cubicle "wall" (read: crappy, drab, corporately boring fabric stretched on a frame) separating us, so I'm pretty sure those germs are making their way right over here to me. Not only is she spewing her cooties all over me, she sneezes in the most annoying way possible. "Achoo" - that's your standard sneeze sound, right? Sure, some people have a variation on that theme (my own sound more like a loud rush of air than a word-ish thing you can actually spell). Not Cuban Lady. Hers sound like "AAAACHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!". Achee? What the hell is achee? That's the most ridiculous sneeze sound ever. It's not a Cuban thing. It's a stupid thing. The only thing I've said to her all day was, "[Cuban Lady], if you don't start covering your mouth when you sneeze I'm going to spray your face with Lysol every time you do it." Her response? Laughter. My response, "I'm not even remotely kidding. (shakes can)" Silence. Freak.
2) Cuban Lady continues her assault on normal social behaviors. Last week I was in the elevator with her & Boss Lady. Cuban Lady starts talking - apparently to me, but she never mentioned my name. I don't acknowledge the noise coming from her general area. Neither does Boss Lady. Seriously, I ignore her the whole way down to the 1st floor. I don't lean in to hear her better, I don't make eye contact, I give her no indication that I'm even able to pick up on whatever it is she's blabbering about. For some reason she keeps talking. Elevator doors open - Boss Lady & I step out. Boss Lady starts cracking up, Cuban Lady keeps talking... as we walk away and out the front door of the building. She's the most socially idiotic person I've ever known - and I've known some losers, my friends.
3) Cuban Lady has taken to calling me Penelope. Penelope is a nickname the department has bestowed upon me. It's a kind of inside joke that she was never a part of. For the record - she's not part of the department, either. So she calls out "Penelope?" through the cubicle wall and I ignore her. Every day. Every goddamn day I ignore her and she keeps doing it. One of these days...
4) There's a guy visiting from some ship (this is the cruise business, by the way) with his girlfriend. Apparently they both work on board as some sort of cruise directors. You'd never think they were boyfriend/girlfriend if you saw them. You'd think they were father/daughter. Which would be an easy mistake to make since she's 18 and he's 36. GROSS.
jotted down by Melissa at 2/07/2006 03:11:00 PM
10 What people are saying:
She just fell out of her chair again. I heard it. Am I going to help her - nope. If she was at all a nice person, then it would be easy to feel sorry for her. But she's not, so it's much easier for me to think she's a cow. In fact, hippo is better. I really like cows.
2/07/2006 03:35:00 PM
Man, I feel your pain - people with a million weird little annoying habits bug the crap out of me.
2/07/2006 03:50:00 PM
My own weird habits are enough for me to deal with!
2/07/2006 03:52:00 PM
can she fart and sneeze at the same time?
Penelope? (don't think you can get away with it, spill)
2/07/2006 04:06:00 PM
Wait...don't you DIE if you fart and sneeze at exactly the same time? Maybe you won't have to worry about her too much longer...
2/07/2006 07:36:00 PM
At least she's not pissing while she's doing it. Then you'd have an even greater problem in the air.
2/07/2006 10:08:00 PM
Oh God I am cracking up over Cuban Lady but poor you! Annoying co-workers are the worse. We have a farter here too but thankfully she is farthest away from me. My boss bitches all the time though he is next to her
2/08/2006 08:59:00 AM
I love your stories! I am still laughing.
Cuban Lady sounds unreal. Does she really fall out of her chair? How? I don't think I've fallen out of my chair since I got this job...and can't really remember before that.
It could have happened, I suppose.
2/08/2006 10:17:00 AM
Jenn - this is where I start to sound like a heartless beeeyotch, so be prepared... Cuban Lady was partially paralyzed on one side from a virus she got when she was 36. I've heard the story 257 times because she tells it every chance she gets. "Hello, [Cuban Lady], how are you today?" is often met with "Oh, I'm not so gooood todaay. My leg hurts and my cats went to theee bathroom on me eeen my sleep. Eet was terreeebull. My mother called yesterday and tole me she neeeds an enema. I hate enemas. One time when I was 36 after I had contracted the virus that pareehlayzed me..." blah de freaking blah Every goddamn thing has to do with her bitching about something else (I realize that's ironic coming from the chick who complains on this blog on a daily basis, but you know what I mean). She doesn't understand (or chooses to ignore) social rules. When someone asks how you are - in passing - they don't really want to know. Everyone seems to know this but Cuban Lady.
She falls out of her chair randomly because her leg gives out and somehow she flops onto the floor. I happen to think she does it on purpose sometimes to get attention. Which I never give her. And yet, she continues. *sigh*
2/08/2006 10:35:00 AM
Cuban Lady is a weeble wobble sleeping litter tray, whoopee!!
(Now I understand...)
2/08/2006 12:11:00 PM
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