2nd Tag - taggity tag tag tag

So, S tagged me for the 5 weird things about you list thingy. Apparently I "ooze weirdness", thanks, S! Ha! Seriously, she's right. But here's the funny part: although I am perfectly aware of the fact that I exist in a constant state of weirdness, I had to consult Kristie to help me come up with 5 things about me that are truly strange and worth writing down. I have so many that some are only mildly weird - and who wants to read about that? So here goes (be warned, there is some sexual reference below)...

1) I have a tendency to cut or dye my hair after a few drinks at home. Something about getting tipsy and wanting to change my look. Sadly, most of the time I follow through on that whim. Last time I did it I had a couple Red Stripes (I'm telling you, those Jamaicans know beer) and decided I needed a trim. My hair was unruly and losing its shape and style. I did a fine job, I always do. But then something happened... I figured while I was at it perhaps I should do a little pruning downstairs as well. Hey, the curtains were trimmed up, why not do the carpet, too? Bad idea. Snip, snip, snip was followed by a sharp burning sensation and I knew instantly what I had done. I snipped a little too carelessly and nicked something I should have avoided at all costs. Everything was fine, only a little blood, the next day it was like nothing had happened. But, oh, something had. I learned a lesson that night.

2) I almost married a guy who thought he had perfected his cunnilingus technique... with the addition of his nose as a tool. What? You heard me. He thought that was brilliant. No matter how many times I told him that receiving in the oral department wasn't really my thing (I just don't dig it as much as other things, it's not my favorite, no I'm not crazy, some women just prefer the main course to the appetizers) he was adamant that he could "show me how great it can be". Good gawd, man, I'm an adult woman, I think I know what I like and what I don't - and you going down on me definitely falls into the "don't" column. I'm all for experimentation and things that push my own personal envelope, but when you've eaten a particular dish 25 times and you don't like it any of those 25 times, chances are damn good that you're not going to like it the 26th. Needless to say, there is no ring on my finger today, I left that Hobbitt (yes, that's his nickname). Lucky for me, the fabulous man I live with is quite talented in the bedroom (he's probably going to be annoyed and embarrassed that I said that), and he never pushes anything on me.

3) I am terrified of clowns. Terrified. No one is allowed to make fun of me for it except for Kristie. I've been scared of them since childhood. When I was 5 and the neighbor girl was 3, her mom dressed her as a clown for Halloween. She came over before they went out trick-or-treating and I screamed bloody murder and hid under my bed for an hour. My mom had to physically pull me out. When I moved from DC to Brooklyn I had a fun time unpacking... I opened up my laptop and found a picture of a scary clown. I opened up a box, there was another. This went on for weeks, until I had everything unpacked. After I had packed everything up in DC before the move Kristie went through and stuck pictures all through my stuff so I'd get these little clowny presents as I unpacked. Me loves her. Even when she's horrid.

4) There was a 6 month time period when I couldn't get my cat to stop scooting her butt along the carpet after she'd gone to the litter box. It was gross. She'd poop and then slide her little feline butthole across the floor - and it was disgusting! She was too fat to properly clean her own butt so she figured she was being smart about it. I wasn't amused. I took to wiping her butt with baby wipes when I heard her come out of her box. Humiliating? Yes - for me. Effective? You betcha.

5) I have an irrational fear of developing Alzheimers. I really do. I'm very frightened of it - the clowns freak me out and scare me, but the Alzheimers is a possible real threat and that's way worse. My granny thought I was my mom at various points in the last couple years before she died and I don't want that to happen to me. I saw what it was like for her to go through moments of lucidity when she realized something was wrong and she was conscious of it. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen. I'm scared on some level every day that when I forget something it's early stages of the disease claiming me very early in life. Can't find my keys? For a split second the possibility of Alzheimers goes through my mind. Then I start with the usual "where did I leave them?" routine. Most people skip that first part and go directly to the rational process. Not me. I jump right to the Alzheimers and then move to the normal thoughts. On a daily basis I forget something I meant to tell the man - it's usually something inconsequential, like there's a sofa in a shop window I think he'd like, or there's a new episode of CSI on tonight. But when I forget what those little things are it scares me.

So, that's me. The above is just a little oozing of my weirdness. I'm a freak. If you're a freak, too you should do this and let me know about it. I'm not tagging anyone because most people I know have already done it. If you haven't - please do it. L. Britt, have you done it? Kristen? Jenn?