round and round...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Sink, Sank, Sunk

I should know better than to think things are fine when parts of my life seem to fall into place. I really should. The placid, sunny days of contentment are simply a pre-cursor to the storm that has only just appeared on the radar. It's proven time and time again. Why don't I learn? Ever the hopeful optimist.

I'm feeling pretty bad today. Pretty awful, indeed. Not really any details I want to broadcast at the moment, but I feel bad. I'm very sad, I'm feeling unthethered, as if I have no anchor and I'm questioning myself in almost every way possible. It's one of those snowball things, or a supreme instance of 20/20 hind-sight. One event occurs and it sets into motion a string of happenings that reveal nasty little cracks in the seemingly smooth facade of my life. Since this morning I feel a little lost and more than a bit upset.

I hope I'll have something funny to say soon, or at least something to bitch about in my usual sarcastic, entertaining way.



POSTSCRIPT (about half an hour after the initial post): I am often humbled by the words of people who love me, as if somehow during a dark time I forget how much they care for me and the mere sight of a typed message from them can bring me back from the nasty land of self-doubt. Kristie is often the one who reminds me of my own self and my own worth and my own me-ness - and the validity of all those things. She sent me this today and it's so touching I wanted to post it.
"I wanted to share one of my favorite pictures of you. You DO look as beautiful as you are in this photo - the way your face gets all calm and pretty when you're concentrating, and the cute messiness of your hair. (again, if I were a guy I would be telling you that I love you and slipping a ring on your finger, but you don't fuck your sister). I just wanted you to know that you are a beautiful woman, and no amount of dumbass acts from anyone in this world will ever change who you are and how you look (especially to me)."

Now that is something special.

8 What people are saying:

Blogger Melissa rambles...

And for that I am deeply grateful. To tell you I love you and am glad every day that we met is paltry compared to what it feels like.

Friends mean the most when times are hardest. Perhaps this is a lesson to remember how wonderful your friends are when the sun is shining, too.

2/16/2006 02:40:00 PM

 
Blogger Monogram Queen rambles...

Awwww you guys are making me miss my BFF Mindy who lives down in Florida. Hope you are feeling better today Melissa, I was having a day yesterday and it got better. Sending you a big cyber hug!

2/16/2006 02:54:00 PM

 
Blogger Minnesota Nice rambles...

Your hair adorable, I've always envied cute springy curls. Yeah, you're a doll.

2/16/2006 03:14:00 PM

 
Blogger The Rover rambles...

You guys are seriously cute...

2/16/2006 03:16:00 PM

 
Blogger Melissa rambles...

Well, thank you everyone. Kristie's the bomb diggety and even though we're way far away, we still do this kind of pick me up stuff on a regular basis. She's the best at it (you should see the little cards she sends me for no reason).

Sandra - thanks for the hair comment! I always cut it myself, so I take hair compliments extra seriously. :) FWIW I'm a huge fan of L'Oreal Surf Hair. It's the perfect product.

Patti - you should call her tonight. Just to say hi and that you saw something online that made you think of her. She'd like that.

K Lance - don't we know it! ;) hehe

2/16/2006 03:26:00 PM

 
Blogger L. Britt rambles...

On a totally non-mushy front...is that a dress form tatooed on your arm? If so, I am well impressed. I only have the Greek symbol of theatre tatooed on my arm...and it's puny. It's only claim to fame is that I've had it for 12 years.

2/16/2006 09:06:00 PM

 
Blogger Fish rambles...

I (tried) to understand Robert Pirsig's philosophy of how some things just have "quality", we don't know how or why, and we can't describe what it is precisley that makes them stand out - but we feel it all the same.

That's you Melissa, you have quality,

(and quality people have quality friends)

2/17/2006 11:38:00 AM

 
Blogger Melissa rambles...

Colin - thank you ever so much for saying that. It means a lot.

L. Britt - it is, indeed, a dress form. :) She's new, in the last year. My first one is 10 yrs old now. And I don't regret any of them.

2/17/2006 11:52:00 AM

 

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