Sink, Sank, Sunk

I should know better than to think things are fine when parts of my life seem to fall into place. I really should. The placid, sunny days of contentment are simply a pre-cursor to the storm that has only just appeared on the radar. It's proven time and time again. Why don't I learn? Ever the hopeful optimist.

I'm feeling pretty bad today. Pretty awful, indeed. Not really any details I want to broadcast at the moment, but I feel bad. I'm very sad, I'm feeling unthethered, as if I have no anchor and I'm questioning myself in almost every way possible. It's one of those snowball things, or a supreme instance of 20/20 hind-sight. One event occurs and it sets into motion a string of happenings that reveal nasty little cracks in the seemingly smooth facade of my life. Since this morning I feel a little lost and more than a bit upset.

I hope I'll have something funny to say soon, or at least something to bitch about in my usual sarcastic, entertaining way.



POSTSCRIPT (about half an hour after the initial post): I am often humbled by the words of people who love me, as if somehow during a dark time I forget how much they care for me and the mere sight of a typed message from them can bring me back from the nasty land of self-doubt. Kristie is often the one who reminds me of my own self and my own worth and my own me-ness - and the validity of all those things. She sent me this today and it's so touching I wanted to post it.
"I wanted to share one of my favorite pictures of you. You DO look as beautiful as you are in this photo - the way your face gets all calm and pretty when you're concentrating, and the cute messiness of your hair. (again, if I were a guy I would be telling you that I love you and slipping a ring on your finger, but you don't fuck your sister). I just wanted you to know that you are a beautiful woman, and no amount of dumbass acts from anyone in this world will ever change who you are and how you look (especially to me)."

Now that is something special.