round and round...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Answers

Here's the question of the day - how do you stop regretting something? I can't seem to push certain things out of my mind and they keep torturing me. I suppose a more apt way to say that is that I keep torturing myself. Always been a bit of a masochist. So, how do I stop it? I've not been successful thus far and I'm getting nervous that this torture is becoming a permanent thing.

The whole strategy of "fake it 'til you make it" has come in handy many a time for me, but for the last few months a pattern has been developing - I'll have a couple days where it seems to work for me. I'll honestly think that I can beat whatever it is that's getting the better of me and I see the bright side. But then, just a few days later I sink back down into defeat and I can't even muster the energy to fake it. It's wearing me down and taking its toll on every aspect of my life.

My relationship with MT is suffering because I can't get my head right. He's a bit afraid that the woman he fell in love with was either a well-crafted facade or she's run off somewhere to hide from the world. Honestly, sometimes I'm not sure which is the real answer - that's both terrifying and disappointing. My friends (caring and wonderful as they are) can only take so much of the grumpy-puss Melissa before they start to get frustrated and annoyed (I can't blame them - who wants to be constantly walking on eggshells around the same person day after day). I'm alienating myself from everyone I love, that's usually a bad sign.

I've got to either get out of my own head long enough to take a deep breath and look at what's outside or I've got to figure out how to make the jumble of my brain make sense. For now I think I'll figure out how to use my new sewing machine. I figure it'll distract me for a minute or so and it might even bring back my creative spark.

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7 What people are saying:

Blogger L. Britt rambles...

You know my answer to this...get help. Getting help doesn't make you any weaker...it makes you stronger.

11/19/2006 07:33:00 PM

 
Blogger James Burnett rambles...

Hey Melissa, I agree - get help. Talk to a pro. No shame in that.

The easy answer to your question is quit looking back. If you stop reflecting on the past through a "what if" lens then you won't have much if any regret.

Instead chalk all past experiences up to life lessons - regardless of whether they ended well or badly - and move on to the next lesson. The idea is the older and (hopefully) wiser we get the less we'll be tempted to regret when we do look back.

Of course, thinking a certain way is a hell of a lot easier than acting a certain way.

So back to square one: Talk to a pro and get them to help you explore the reasons you might let certain stuff defeat you.

My wife sought help for the exact same things you cite, a few years ago when we first started dating.

Worked for her. She was able to see more of her worth and stop beating herself up over possible slip ups. She learned to accept that some things just don't happen the way we'd like, but she also learned that a temporary set back doesn't mean permanent defeat and shouldn't take the wind out of our sails.

11/19/2006 10:57:00 PM

 
Blogger The Rover rambles...

I agree, too. One of my dear friends always says that therapy is like going to lunch with one your best friends, telling them everything that bothers you, getting some advice and/or feedback - and then, instead of listening to their stuff, you go home. I tend to agree.

You're tough. You'll make it.

11/20/2006 05:36:00 AM

 
Blogger Retro Girl rambles...

Melissa--I too, am going through some similar things -- with stuff from the past...It's very difficult to deal with at times.

I have to keep telling myself - it's the past - I can't change it. It's done, over. I can only change how I deal with it, remember it/react to it.

I read this little book called "Easier Than You Think ...because life doesn't have to be so hard: The Small Changes That Add Up to a World of Difference by Richard Carlson"
and it said recognize that these are just thoughts. Just Noise. Tell yourself "I won't go there" everytime you start having negative thoughts or upset by all of it. There's a lot of good in this little book.

I agree, getting help is probably a really good idea...the hardest part is just the first step of actually finding someone and making an appointment. I haven't yet conquered that step...

Take care...

You have a lot of people for support...some you may have never met in person...but we're here...

*hugs*

11/20/2006 09:30:00 AM

 
Blogger patti_cake rambles...

Hon I hope you gets things right w/ you. *hugs*

11/20/2006 11:36:00 AM

 
Blogger Jennifer rambles...

Melissa - sometimes life just sucks, doesn't it? Having said that - if you decide you can't figure it all out alone...and nobody can...find someone to talk to. Nothing wrong with a little therapy, my friend, nothing at all.

Sometimes it just gets too dang hard to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep on going.

The other thing is that this too shall pass. I hate when that's the answer...but sometimes, it just is.

11/20/2006 11:51:00 AM

 
Blogger Melissa rambles...

l. britt - not the 1st time you've advised me well... and with care.

James - thanks for the info about your wife. It always helps to hear success stories. Makes me feel less abnormal.

Rover - I hope it's like going to lunch w/you.

Retro Girl - thank you. I can feel that hug from here. It means a whole lot.

Patti - You & me both, girl.

Jennifer - thanks for the encouragement. My boot straps are wearing thin. I'm looking for someone to help me take the next step.

11/20/2006 09:44:00 PM

 

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