round and round...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Complete

It's done. It's over. It's been over for a long, long time. But the final nail has been ever so brutally hammered into the coffin and now it's really finished for good. I have cut off contact with someone who once meant everything to me - and who still means more than he should. He will always mean more than I want him to. We haven't been lovers in what seems like forever and we cannot ever be friends. We tried. Sometimes things get broken beyond repair. As much as it hurts right now it's comforting to know that "we" were the thing that was broken all along - not me.

I get up in the morning for me now. I breathe for me. I grieve for me. I hurt for me. I laugh for me. I cry for me. I feel everything I feel for me. The grief is mine and I have to deal with it the best way I can.

He's moving here. He's coming to my city. This place was supposed to be ours - but it's mine now and he's finally coming here like he promised he would a year ago. The difference is that I won't see him. I won't know where he is. I'll wonder. I'll wonder more than I want to. But I won't see him. I won't talk to him. This place is mine.

Every day I wake up, I see MT and Duke, I breathe in the Brooklyn air and I am thankful.

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11 What people are saying:

Blogger Sandra rambles...

The person who cared the most hurts the most, unfortunately. I'm sorry that in this case that person is probably you. But the road lies ahead, who knows what's waiting for you out there.

10/31/2006 08:57:00 PM

 
Blogger Retro Girl rambles...

Right now you may have some painful wounds...but it will get easier with time...and with the positive attitude you've chosen - it can only get better. Acknowledge the pain, but know you can deal with it and move forward. Look for all the good and joy in every day....You'll get there.

10/31/2006 10:13:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rambles...

It does get easier. You will soon feel this :)
xoxoxo
Rach

10/31/2006 10:24:00 PM

 
Blogger a fish on a bycicle rambles...

Hi Melissa, stay brave, stay true.

x

11/01/2006 06:48:00 AM

 
Blogger patti_cake rambles...

I can't say more than what has already been said. Be good to yourself honey. It will be alright.

11/01/2006 10:23:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rambles...

That is the best news I've heard all day...of course it's only 11am, but I'm sure it will continue to be the best news I hear all day. I'm so glad you stopped swimming in the "river in Egypt" and did what you had to do to move on. I know it sucks, but Damn! you are going to feel better SO much faster!

11/01/2006 11:14:00 AM

 
Blogger guesswhat.karma rambles...

col is right. stay brave, and stay true, girl. you're a beautiful. you're passionate. you've got the most gorgeous soul that i've ever seen in my entire life, and i'm lucky to have you as my best friend, because i'd be lost in this big lonely world without you.

plus, you've got me watchin' your back- and i'll be kickin' ass and takin' names (did i mention i would give this person a rectal exam with my boot?) if he ever hurts you again. EVER.

11/01/2006 02:19:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous rambles...

"There is no fate but what we make..."

--The Terminator

11/01/2006 03:49:00 PM

 
Blogger Michael Manning rambles...

My suggestion is to spoil yourself silly. YES! Hot oil baths, whatever it takes. Cultivate new friends who are positive and supportive. Get out and about, workout, volunteer once a month doing something with animals or whatever you'd like etc. There is much life ahead for you and you're young. You will make it!!!!

11/01/2006 07:48:00 PM

 
Blogger James Burnett rambles...

You're already solidly on track. You'll stop thinking about where he is in the city and what he's up to in no time at all.

11/02/2006 10:22:00 PM

 
Blogger The Sarcasticynic rambles...

Hang in there - it truly gets easier. Been there - blubbered over that.

11/07/2006 09:18:00 PM

 

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