round and round...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

What now?

What do you do when someone you love dies? How do you get to the next step and once you get there how will you know? It all feels surreal right now. I'm tired, even when I've gotten some sleep. I'm sad, even when I'm laughing. At least I can laugh, MT and I are keeping each other laughing as much as we can. We're both past the shock stage, the denial stage, the numb stage. Now it seems like we're both smack dab in the middle of the depression stage. This just sucks.

I can hear Jimmy's voice so clearly in my mind. I hear him picking on me for wearing my favorite red Doc Marten's boots all winter with my jean skirt... he called me "Amy Pohler in a punk sketch". Ever since last winter he always called me Amy. What a nut. We spent last Sunday at the Brooklyn Museum checking out the contemporary Caribbean art exhibit. He was really impressed with a few pieces in particular. I think I want to go back and see them again.

I hate feeling aimless, but I don't know what to do now.

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7 What people are saying:

Blogger patti_cake rambles...

Go back to that museum, wear your red Doc's and celebrate your wonderful friend. I am so sorry Melissa. It hurts to lose someone you love, so very much.

9/27/2007 09:34:00 AM

Blogger Melissa rambles...

Thanks, patti. I think that sounds like a very good idea.

9/27/2007 02:21:00 PM

Anonymous Safa rambles...

I second what patti said. Also, in terms of what can you do? Just remember him, be sad, laugh at your memories and just allow time to take care of the rest. You will forever miss him but hopefully with time it will settle into a melancholy sadness tinged with great memories of a great friend instead of this raw intense aimless feeling you describe.

9/27/2007 02:29:00 PM

Blogger arutherford0530 rambles...

Hi Melissa, I don't know you but I grew up across the street from Mike. Him and his family were my second family. My name is Amanda and I'm part of the Rutherford family. He probably never mentioned us but he was a big part of our lives, he still is and always will be! He lived his life to the fullest putting 90 year olds to shame...He will be missed and many tears will be shed even though I know he would tell us to stop, go on and be happy. Its so hard to get up out of bed but you take one step at a time with one foot in front of the other. Go see the paintings, remember him and the good memories. Did you go to his celebration of life?

9/29/2007 10:07:00 PM

Blogger Melissa rambles...

Amanda, thanks so much for commenting. It's amazing how this world is so small, isn't it? Jimmy/Mike (I'm cracking up as I type that because it's hilarious that we called him anything but Mike) was a big inspiration to me and to everyone who knew him. We were the lucky ones because we knew him, that's what I'm going to concentrate on from here on out.

I did go to his celebration last night - were you there? How crazy that we probably saw each other and didn't know it! It was great to see all the people who cared about him. It was even better to see his parents and brothers feel supported and loved by so many people. It was just what Mike would have wanted. No all black funeral thing with wilting flowers and stuffy funeral home furniture... just his family and friends laughing and crying about the good times and how much he meant to them. It was perfect.

9/30/2007 04:08:00 PM

Blogger arutherford0530 rambles...

He was an inspiration. I don't think I will ever have a bigger one! He was the greatest.
I was there, my mother was helping Kathy host...It was great, I got there at about 4:45. I loved the projection slide show! I had to leave soon after that went up. There was so many of him in our backyard and it just hit real hard. They are putting up a memorial tree on Farnsworth Ave. for him with a plaque, I can't wait. Oh yeah you know he would have wanted everyone drunk and talking about the good times. My family and the Rosinas were hanging out on my parents porch tonight talking and John was talking about how it was perfect and how it made him feel so much better hearing all the funny stories, it really brought his spirits up. How did you know Mike/Jimmy?

9/30/2007 09:28:00 PM

Blogger Retro Girl rambles...

It is so hard losing a special friend. I agree w/Patti...that would be a beautiful tribute and way to remember your friend---go to the museum, wear your docs...he'll be there with you...
He'll always be with you.


10/02/2007 08:32:00 AM


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