round and round...

Monday, March 13, 2006

Yes, I am. What's your point?

If you read my entry from the weekend you know that I went to a fabulous concert with 3 friends and that it was exactly what I wanted it to be, except for the part where I almost punched a chick in the grill. I'm not by nature a violent person, but on occasion I can be a nasty little thing when provoked. One of those occasions happened Friday night. Now, don't fret, there was no violence to be had. Just some words. Some lovely little amusingly insulting words.

So, we're at the concert enjoying every moment. It's about halfway through the set and two hipster chicks shove their way through the crowd and stand right up against me. Now, at this point everyone was having a grand time, we all had our own little comfy pocket of air to occupy (rare for a concert) and room to shake our money makers should we so desire. When these chippies decided to disrupt that fine balance it was a bit annoying. But, determined to keep my night as fun as possible, I decided to ignore their rudeness.

That worked fine until they both started bumping into me repeatedly. I still figured it would be better to ignore them, but after getting whacked with Hipster Chick #1's handbag one too many times I started to lose my resolve. And then it began... the chatting. HC #1 & #2 were conducting a full volume conversation in the middle of the crowd at a rather slow and poignant part of the song. Bad form, ladies. What were they talking about? How much they liked the music, that the band was great live, that the lead singer was cute and funky? Oh no. Airline miles. Uh huh. They were talking about airline miles. Resolve dissolved.

Very politely, I leaned over and said, "I noticed you guys want to chat, so would you mind stepping over to the back?" Nice, right? Non threatening, not rude in any way, not even a curt tone of voice. Then why was I met with, "Uh, haha, no. We're totally not moving"? Which I countered with, "OK, this is where I was polite and asked you nicely to stop disturbing the people around you and you shot back with attitude, I'd really appreciate it if you could back off to the side now."

Get this, HC #1 turns to me and says, "Um yeah, you're weird". Yes, I am. I couldn't figure out what the hell her point was. At this point all politeness was gone and my inner bitch was starting to bare her fangs. I let them know that they were being really inconsiderate and that everyone would like them to take their stylishly dressed behinds off to the side of the crowd. HC #2 (who really resembles a steel wool pad) says to HC #1, "Maybe she's so rude because she's ugly and has such bad hair." Uh huh. Oh yes she did. The girl with the mess on her head insulted my hair. Then one of them said, "We paid just as uch for our tickets as you paid for yours." This really doesn't say much since no one in that crowd paid to listen to Travel Talk With Ditzy And Mitzy.

I tell them that I don't understand why they immediately turned so rude when I had tried to be nice and they said I was a "rude bitch", which made me feel completely comfortable letting HC #1 know that she was acting like a "stupid whore". I did it, I won't lie, I called her a stupid whore. Maybe not the nicest thing to say, but I was past the point where I cared. We all know how my week was going and Friday was my fun time. I really, really needed my fun time. HC #2 gasped, "Uh mah gah! She just called you a stupid whore!!" My retort, "Yes, well, a duck's a duck." It was a bad scene.

I decided to ignore them once again and just listen to the band and have a great time. Which I succeeded in doing, despite all the comments said in my direction like, "Stupid old hag with her $20 haircut" and "maybe she's just bitter because she's wearing such a hideous outfit". It got to be quite funny on several levels. 1) My haircuts are free, bitches. Free. 2) Hideous outfit? How come I got asked where I bought my top? Tidbit: I made it, suckas. And I looked hot, get over it. 3) 28 isn't even remotely old. You might think it is, but in 7 years I dare you to tell yourself you're an "old hag". Have fun with that.

So, that's the tale of Melissa almost giving a Hipster Chick the what for, but then realizing that the little twit wasn't worth it. Fun stuff, eh?

9 What people are saying:

Anonymous Anonymous rambles...

I hate those bitches. i hope their daddies lose all their money getting sued in some harrassment-in-the-workplace trial & they have to start paying for their own apartments.
I also enjoy calling bitches like this: slunts.
Seriously - slut & cunt. Pass it on.

3/13/2006 11:56:00 PM

Blogger The Rover rambles...

I wish you would have popped her. I mean, it's better that you didn't, but I wish you would have...

3/14/2006 02:20:00 AM

Blogger krisbtterfly rambles...

ok- when i'm up in NYC next month i'm just HOPING in my heart of hearts that we run into people like that. i still stand by my original suggestion: you should have taken her handbag and thrown it to the back of the crowd. "fetch, fido!"

3/14/2006 09:11:00 AM

Blogger Melissa rambles...

SLUNT! It's my new favorite word. It might have to replace asshat for a little bit. Rach, you're a genius!!!

3/14/2006 09:31:00 AM

Blogger patti_cake rambles...

I am totally with Krisbtterfly on this one! Hoo boy I would have lost my religion on her

3/14/2006 10:48:00 AM

Blogger a fish on a bycicle rambles...

How did you manage not to hit her? (and thank you anonymous genius, your "slunt" is now abroad and being yelled across the bars of London!)

This might be quite apt. An ickle job for you:

List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason.

Don't say who they are.

Use each person only once.

Post is and pass it on.

3/14/2006 11:24:00 AM

Blogger Miss Fire rambles...

Oh Lord! With all my Tampa rage, I would have bitch slapped 'em both.

"My haircut is free, bitches" That needs to be on a T-shirt!

Slunt is fantastic!!

3/14/2006 12:21:00 PM

Blogger Mindi rambles...

I hate hipsters. There, I said it.

3/14/2006 01:34:00 PM

Blogger Melissa rambles...

Mindi, you should get the t-shirt that says "DIE HIPSTER SCUM" on it. It's hilarious. I laugh especially hard when I'm in Williamsburg and I see it on a tall, slim guys with shaggy hair, skinny jeans and thick glasses. I always hope they're being ironic.

3/14/2006 01:37:00 PM


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