round and round...

Friday, May 19, 2006

You don't fit in this seat...

... because I'm already sitting here.

FYI to the woman who sat on me on the train this morning - I was sitting there for a good 5 minutes before you got on. I didn't sneak beneath you just before you were about to lower yourself onto the seat. When you stepped onto the train and didn't look around before you sat down directly on my lap it startled and hurt me. I don't mean in an emotional way - I mean that when you sat down it physically hurt my legs because you weigh more than twice what I do. Also, for future reference, it's customary to stand up very quickly once you realize you've sat on something you shouldn't have, whether that be a pair of sunglasses, a sandwich, or a person. You must not have known this because you remained seated on top of me while looking over your shoulder with a look of disdain upon your chubby face. Not my fault that you're oblivious. Not my fault that you sat on someone. Next time don't take a good 30 seconds to stand up, huffing and puffing the whole time.

12 What people are saying:

Blogger Jenn rambles...

SHEESH!!! I'm sorry but this one made me laugh out loud...not for your pain, of course. But it just doesn't seem like something that really happens! The image of you quickly sneaking underneath her before she sat down....HILARIOUS!!!

5/19/2006 11:36:00 AM

Blogger krisbtterfly rambles...

see? you were too little to see. my poor cute little flattened melissa.

5/19/2006 12:03:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous rambles...

Oh Man!

Painful but funny. :)

5/19/2006 12:18:00 PM

Blogger patti_cake rambles...

Sorry but I had to chuckle a little bit at this one too. NOT that you got hurt though. Stupid fat cow.

5/19/2006 03:32:00 PM

Blogger L. Britt rambles...

Shut up! She did not sit directly on your lap. She must have been of the growing number of obese people in our country and her "extra stuff" landed on you. She sat directly on your a child would? Shut up!

5/19/2006 03:41:00 PM

Blogger Melissa rambles...

L - she sat right smack down on my lap like I was the chair. Right down. Ain't nothing to it, woman just plopped her big behind down. No foolin'.

5/19/2006 04:07:00 PM

Blogger the dot. rambles...

no way. so i'm reading Bright Lights, Big City and guess what i've encountered on page 12:

When you next look up the man is halfway down the car, staring intently at an ad for a business training institute. As you watch, he sits down in the lap of an old lady. She tries to get out from under him but he has her pinned.
"Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on me," she says. "Sir, sir. Excuse me." Almost everyone in the car is watching and pretending they're not. The man folds his arms across his chest and leans farther back.
"Sir, please get off of me."
You can't even believe it. Half a dozen healthy men are within spitting distance. You would have jumped up yourself but you assumed someone close to the action would act. They woman is quietly sobbing. As each moment passes it becomes harder and harder to do anything without calling attention to the fact that you hadn't done anything earlier. You keep hoping the man will stand up and leave her alone. You imagine the heading in the Post: GRANNY CRUSHED BY NUT WHILE WIMPS WATCH.
"Please, sir."

can you believe it?!

5/19/2006 07:11:00 PM

Blogger Melissa rambles...

Renee! I'm in shock! I've got to read that. I mean, I've got to read it anyway... but now I REALLY have to! Sheesh!

5/19/2006 09:53:00 PM

Blogger The Rover rambles...

Oh. My. God.

5/20/2006 05:11:00 AM

Blogger Deadly Female rambles...


5/20/2006 06:24:00 PM

Blogger Retro Girl rambles...

Too bad you didn't have spiked wrist bands on, with your hands in your lap! (She'd have jumped up real quick!)

All I have to say is How Rude! You should've yelled OWWWW Really loud in her ear when she sat on you.

Some people are just clueless...

You poor thing.

5/22/2006 09:11:00 AM

Blogger a fish on a bycicle rambles...

Another good reason for wearing a large strap on penis outside your jeans on the way to work?

5/22/2006 10:42:00 AM


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