The big "D"

Disappointment. It looms like a dark cloud. It likes to sneak up on you when you think things are fine. It lurks in the shadows waiting for an opportune moment to pounce on you and catch you off guard like some weak prey on the Serengeti.

Today it got me. It sprang up from the depths and grabbed me to take me down.

Remember the bonus I was counting on from work? The one based on closing the office and transitioning accounts? The one that was earmarked for the wedding? The one that was going to pay for all of the catering in one fell swoop? It was scheduled to come in today's paycheck. I've had multiple conversations with the higher-ups about this - confirming scheduling, payout amount, underscoring the importance of this money as it was going to pay for the bulk of my wedding. Oh yes, the higher-ups told me, no problem, you'll see it on 4/11, no need for worry.

I checked my bank balance this morning and only my regular paycheck is there. No bonus.

A payroll oversight? A financial mistake? An easily rectifiable issue? Nope. No human error caused this. It just wasn't approved. There were, of course, stipulations on the bonus - things like financial clean up for outstanding projects, documenting the process for each client, etc. Well, my client's financials couldn't be totally cleaned up because they are amazingly slow at issuing purchase orders and the rest of the documentation I need to be able to invoice them. They've admitted this. A VP of the company wrote an email to the larger group letting them know that as much as I have done for cleanup there is little that is in my control since the delays are on the client side.

The VP wrote this email. My bonus still didn't get approved. Did anyone bother to let me know that it was in jeopardy? Nope. The answer given to me this morning was that as soon as they're satisfied that I've done everything I can on my end to get the documentation we need the bonus will get approved. Excuse me, but I thought the email from the VP pretty clearly stated that was the case.

So now, I scramble. I scramble to come up with money I don't have for a wedding that is happening 2 weeks from tomorrow. I have no guarantees that the bonus will even be paid in the next paycheck. I'm angry and upset, but more than anything I'm insulted because they lied to my face. They told me everything was in order when it wasn't. These are the same people who penalized me on my recent performance review because my "reaction to the news of the office closure was negative". Was I supposed to be jumping for joy? Then they said that since other people looked to me to set the mood in the office it contributed to a negative environment. So, it was held against me that people were upset about the office closing... as if they would have been thrilled if I were positive about it. As if my negative reaction caused everyone to think, "Wait a second, this is a shitty thing that's happening to us after all! Melissa is so right. We never would have realized this without her!"

I'm getting my bonus, I'm taking my honeymoon, and then I'm out. It's new job time. Even my mom, who is always one to tow the party line, said to me this morning that it's time to leave because "they don't treat you very well at all."

Duh.

(image courtesy of Natalie Dee)