I knew it would come.

Today is the day Barack Hussein Obama became our president. He is everyone's president, not just those of us who voted for him. He represents us all. Hopefully he will continue his record of representing his constituency with dignity and respect.

So that was the good part.

Today is also the day Matthew lost his job. His crazy coked out boss lost it this morning and now Matthew is unemployed. His phone has been ringing off the hook ever since whether it's people from the company calling or clients or vendors. Everyone is concerned and everyone's first question is something along the lines of "What the hell did that asshole do to you?" In my estimation that pretty much sums up the situation.

So right now now he's updating his resume and networking his booty off. We are not defeated. We are not without hope. Today, President Obama took office. How could we be hopeless on a day like today? We'll get through it like the millions of other Americans who have lost their jobs in this craptastic economy. We will find the silver lining in this cloud and we will come through it with smiles on our faces, hand in hand, with a tiny tot in tow in less than 2 months. It's how we roll.

It has come to pass

Well, he got a small portion of what his paycheck should be. So did everyone. A tiny fraction of what they're owed. He got paid pennies and yet he stayed until 9PM the other night and he's been there every day since... and he's not getting paid for it. This is not fun.

To top it all off, this morning we had a screaming fight (so rare, very unsettling) in which I behaved like a deranged child and he reacted to my insanity. Basically I couldn't get into the bathroom in time to take a shower before work and walk the dog before I left. Why not? Because my poor husband was having an unpleasant bathroom experience, if you know what I mean.

So, instead of comforting him and his overworked bowels what did I do? Oh, let's see... I screamed (screamed!) at him because I would have to go to work without a shower (even though my hair looks perfectly fine) and it's the only time all day I get to not feel like a whale and now I would be gross and unwashed all day and feel awful and my day would be ruined. Screamed. Like a banshee. It took him totally off-guard and he yelled back. He left the house in a huff and I cried so hard I barfed in the living room all over the floor and scared Duke.

The whole thing was spectacular. Spectacularly ridiculous! We talked shortly thereafter and I apologized, said I was being a spoiled baby, I didn't mean anything nasty that I said, and I should not have screamed at him like that under any circumstances. This is how wonderful my husband is - are you ready? He said, "I'm sorry, too. Let's write off this morning and move forward. I love you and you're amazing." Huh? I was a complete bitch and I'm amazing? I can't quite express how much I love this man. I acted like a wild beast, I apologized, and he said it's OK, he loves me. Yet another example of how I am the luckiest woman ever, in spite of the crap we're dealing with at the moment.

When it rains...

It's pouring.

My husband will likely lose his job by the end of January. This is mainly due to the fact that his boss is an absolute failure in life and does far too much coke to succeed in anything. Unless a miracle happens my husband will not get his paycheck this week and neither will the 25 people he works with. That includes men who commute from the Bronx to make $12/hr to support their families, a Polish couple who have worked there since they came to this country years ago, hardworking people. His boss's response when asked what these employees are supposed to do without their paychecks was, "They should have a savings and not live paycheck to paycheck." This is precisely how far outside reality this man lives. A savings?

My maternity leave, which I thought was going to be 12 weeks, is actually only 6... at 66% of my pay. This doesn't seem remotely OK to me. 6 weeks? I work for a health and wellness company! A health and wellness company should know that 6 weeks is a joke. I'm not covered under FMLA because I won't have been with my employer for 12 months by the time I take my leave, so I don't have the option of extending my leave to 12 weeks with unpaid time off. I'm trying to finagle the system to get a few more weeks out of it (trying to use all my sick time and vacation time, figure out how I can extend short-term disability somehow, etc.), but it's daunting. Plus, with the prospect of Matthew unemployed it will mean that the dream of getting to stay home with our baby and not go back to work is all but gone.

It's pouring, folks. Cats and dogs.

Snark Alert

The word is r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s. Not r-E-diculous.

There is no such word as "supposebly".

"Irregardless" isn't even close.

Can we please finish the chapter on "orientated"? C'mon! How hard is it to get oriented? Apparently it's so hard some people feel the need to add a syllable.

Educated, professional people who make far more money than I do should know these things. They just should. That's how the world should work. There are simple rules that the universe should follow. Higher-ups being even remotely capable of using the English language correctly is one of those rules. Case closed.

Sick?

Ode to the pharmaceutical industry:

I'm tired, can't sleep tight.
My head hurts, don't feel right.
My life is depressing.
This wound needs clean dressing.
I'm weak, feel so helpless.
My legs, they're quite restless.
My whole body's aching,
My heart might be breaking.
My teeth, how they've yellowed.
My sex life? It's mellowed.
Not sure what to do,
I'm feeling so blue.
Just want it to stop,
Maybe some pill to pop?
I've shed many tears,
These ads play to my fears.
Everything has a name,
Ads say I'm not to blame.
I'm too fat, I'm too thin,
There are marks on my skin.
All those packs that I smoke,
They're now just a big joke;
Ads say I'm free and clear.
Same goes for my fat rear!
Take this pill, sip this drink;
No loose hairs in your sink!
Don't you want to look younger?
Swallow this, curb that hunger!
You're not yet medicated?
You should be educated.
These ads give so much info,
They all make me feel so...
Lazy
Energetic
Fat
Skinny
Hungry
Full
Happy
Sad
Better
Worse
Bought
Sold
Enabled
American
Pathetic

I will never learn

One of the many perks of a new job - happy hour. This place has happy hours fairly often, at least twice a month. About half the time they're company sponsored, so that means a couple drinks on the corporate card. Nice. Me likey.

It's not a common thing for me to have more than 2 drinks. I'm a bit of a lightweight and I've realized I'm not as young as I once was. I'll have one or two and then be done with it. I'm content hanging out sans additional adult beverages. I mentioned it's not common for me to imbibe to a higher level, but it's not impossible. Sometimes it happens.

Take last night, for example. Allow me to set the stage: happy hour at the bar across from the office, corporate card thrown down for the tab, bosses and counterparts in abundance, martinis and gimlets flowing like water.

I will say this - I woke up this morning, stumbled into the bathroom, tried to close the door, but it wasn't latching. After several tugs on the door I finally looked down. It was broken. Half of the metal plate around the doorknob was missing.

Me to poor hubby, "Honey, what happened to the door?"
Him to me, "Um..."
Me again, "Oh no. I broke it?"
Him, "Uh, yeah. Apparently you couldn't get out of the bathroom and through sheer brute force you broke it. I think I can fix it, though. Don't worry. You feeling OK?"
Me, "Baby, can you please leave the room? I need to puke."

Embarrassing. Very embarrassing. My poor husband, thank god he loves me.

New things

I sat at my new desk today. Well, my new-to-me desk. I used my new computer today. I got various new gadgets that help me do my job. All those things are cool and they're fun for me because they're part of this new gig I've got and that's all well and good. But, those things aren't the best new things of the day.

The best new thing of the day is my new email address. Why? It's my new name. I have a new email with my new name. They novelty of it makes me grin from ear to ear.

RANDOM: I have perfected the art of the fish taco. Tonight we had a friend over for dinner and the fish tacos I made truly were outstanding. I make one hell of a chipotle cream! No, this photo is not of said fish tacos... mine were prettier.

End of an era... and era of crap.

It's over. My employment with Awful Company is finished. I am dancing in my living room as I shut down my work computer. I can't wait to pack this crap up and send it back to them.

Tonight we leave for DC to see my parents and catch The Rover's play on Sunday. This weekend will be stellar.

5 days

This week is going to either fly by or drag like an old, blind snail with a limp.

It is my last week of work with the Awful Company. These are the last 5 days I'll be working for the organization which has done nothing but screw up my job for the past 8 months.

Remember when they announced they were closing the office and gave us all an end date for our employment? Psych! How about a month later when they asked some of us to stay and work remotely? Then the office closed and no provisions were made to move everyone's equip home, so Matthew drove into the city and moved 4 people into their home offices in Brooklyn without so much as a "thanks" from the company. Good times. Oh yeah, what about the day that I found out the useless woman who stole my plant got a massive promotion (yes, you read that right - a grown, professional woman stole my plant)? I especially liked the day we had a stress management seminar... which was so poorly done it was hilarious. I clearly remember the day they were supposed to pay me my bonus and then didn't, which meant I had to scramble to figure out how to pay for our wedding.

I will finish this week no matter how fast or slow it goes and then I will take a well deserved week off. I know I just took a honeymoon, so it might seem silly to say the time off is "well deserved", but I need this time. I need to, paraphrasing Lynilu here, shake off the crap before I start anew. I want to start my new job fresh and ready to jump in and get my hands dirty, not exhausted and frazzled, still coming down from the frenzy of Awful Company.

Doing the "I Quit My Job" dance

I'm not sure what the steps are, but I'm dancing up a storm here in my living room/former office. I did it. I gave my notice. My last day is next Friday. This feels so good. I have my dear friend, Martine, to thank for getting my foot in the door.

For the record, this was a photo taken on one of our last 3:00PM Dance Parties before the office closed. Yes, that's a big bottle of Russian beer. Yes, those are tiny cups. No, there's not really a disco ball in that office.

Check, check... 1, 2, 1, 2

This and this and this all display varying degrees of my lack of patience. As if I needed to make it just a little more obvious...

It's only 9:28AM and I started checking my cell phone obsessively every few minutes around 7:30 just to make sure I haven't missed a phone call from HR at the company I hope will be making me an offer today.

I am pathetic.

At least I am aware of my own pathetic state. That might constitute progress on some level.

The previous sentence might constitute an utterly ridiculous attempt at justification.

Maybe.

**UPDATE**
I GOT THE OFFER. I got the call and the offer was superb, better than I'd hoped, actually. I've called my old NYC boss and told her about my resignation, but I haven't been able to get in touch with my current boss because she's been in meetings ever since she got online this morning. I'm making next Friday my last day and I'm not starting the new job until 6/2. That means I'll have a full week off between jobs. I've never done that before. I've always ended on a Friday and started the next gig on Monday. Not this time! This time I essentially gave myself a hefty raise, better benefits, and a week's vacay. I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Patience is a virtue... which I lack.

Word on the street is that I'll be getting a job offer as a result of that kickass second interview I had yesterday morning. It's not official until I have something in my inbox or a phone call, but it's coming. Lucky for me, "the street" the word is on happens to be my own since my dear friend and neighbor is the one with the insider info.

Trick is, I'm fighting with myself every second that passes not to quit my job. I don't have an offer yet, I can't quit my job without an offer. But man, oh man do I want to!

I know 2 weeks' notice is customary. I have usually given more - typically closer to a month. I like my employers to be prepared and to have ample time to get my replacement up to speed before I haul ass out of there. This time, though, I don't think I'll do even the full 2 weeks. If I get an offer tomorrow, I'll give my notice and make next Friday my last day. I can't stomach this company for longer than that. It's a courtesy and since they've shown me none to speak of I think a week & 1/2 is ample time.

Tick, tock, tick, tock

Every hour that passes reminds me of something else I need to do, something else to take care of before the big day. There are so many little things to set in place. Does everyone have what they need? Have I remembered the details of everything? Can I manage to get all the specifics I have carefully filed in my brain out of their hiding places so other people will know what needs to be done?

You might think I'm talking about the wedding. I'm actually talking about work - getting ready to be away from work for 2 & 1/2 weeks is a very stressful undertaking. Not only do I have to make sure my clients are well looked after, but I have to explain the ins and outs of each project to a coworker who is backing me up while I'm away. Explaining a project entails documenting every last, little thing that needs to be done and this process takes hours. I'm drained.

It's only Tuesday. I know time will fly by and before I know it I'll be married, back from the honeymoon, and onto a better job... but today and tomorrow are filled with tough meetings and irritating items to checked off the to-do list.

Breath in, breath out

I kid you not - after the fiasco of yesterday's bonus ridiculousness I had to attend a pre-scheduled office meeting. The topic? Stress management.

I swear.

Stress freaking Management. Here's something that can help with stress management - paying people when you say you will. Telling the truth to your employees who count on you. Yep, that about does it.

Instead, they demonstrated varying techniques for mental and physical balance, which I actually respect because it's pretty new age-y and progressive for a corporate environment. Yoga, meditation, breathing techniques - all these things are methods I employ in my own life already, so to know they're being presented by office management is pretty awesome, but there's no way I can take it seriously. Sitting there at the other end of a virtual meeting with everyone else across the country, listening to the heavy breathing in the room as people practiced what was demonstrated I could do nothing but laugh. The expression "too little too late" applies perfectly.

This chick has a solid Warrior 2 and is ready to take her strong body to a new job.

The big "D"

Disappointment. It looms like a dark cloud. It likes to sneak up on you when you think things are fine. It lurks in the shadows waiting for an opportune moment to pounce on you and catch you off guard like some weak prey on the Serengeti.

Today it got me. It sprang up from the depths and grabbed me to take me down.

Remember the bonus I was counting on from work? The one based on closing the office and transitioning accounts? The one that was earmarked for the wedding? The one that was going to pay for all of the catering in one fell swoop? It was scheduled to come in today's paycheck. I've had multiple conversations with the higher-ups about this - confirming scheduling, payout amount, underscoring the importance of this money as it was going to pay for the bulk of my wedding. Oh yes, the higher-ups told me, no problem, you'll see it on 4/11, no need for worry.

I checked my bank balance this morning and only my regular paycheck is there. No bonus.

A payroll oversight? A financial mistake? An easily rectifiable issue? Nope. No human error caused this. It just wasn't approved. There were, of course, stipulations on the bonus - things like financial clean up for outstanding projects, documenting the process for each client, etc. Well, my client's financials couldn't be totally cleaned up because they are amazingly slow at issuing purchase orders and the rest of the documentation I need to be able to invoice them. They've admitted this. A VP of the company wrote an email to the larger group letting them know that as much as I have done for cleanup there is little that is in my control since the delays are on the client side.

The VP wrote this email. My bonus still didn't get approved. Did anyone bother to let me know that it was in jeopardy? Nope. The answer given to me this morning was that as soon as they're satisfied that I've done everything I can on my end to get the documentation we need the bonus will get approved. Excuse me, but I thought the email from the VP pretty clearly stated that was the case.

So now, I scramble. I scramble to come up with money I don't have for a wedding that is happening 2 weeks from tomorrow. I have no guarantees that the bonus will even be paid in the next paycheck. I'm angry and upset, but more than anything I'm insulted because they lied to my face. They told me everything was in order when it wasn't. These are the same people who penalized me on my recent performance review because my "reaction to the news of the office closure was negative". Was I supposed to be jumping for joy? Then they said that since other people looked to me to set the mood in the office it contributed to a negative environment. So, it was held against me that people were upset about the office closing... as if they would have been thrilled if I were positive about it. As if my negative reaction caused everyone to think, "Wait a second, this is a shitty thing that's happening to us after all! Melissa is so right. We never would have realized this without her!"

I'm getting my bonus, I'm taking my honeymoon, and then I'm out. It's new job time. Even my mom, who is always one to tow the party line, said to me this morning that it's time to leave because "they don't treat you very well at all."

Duh.

(image courtesy of Natalie Dee)

Balancing the investment:return ratio

I have made a decision. It seems that lately I have posted frequently about the grand decisions I've made and the changes I'm planning to make in my life. It's good to have ideas and to make plans, but it is better to act on them and make them a reality. The sweeping decision for today is to not take my job so damn seriously.

For real.

I've hit some speedbumps with my company in the last several months and my confidence in them as an organization has been dwindling at a pretty steady rate. After the events of last week (which are too boring and tedious to spell out in this forum) it has become glaringly apparent to me that I have given too much of myself to my job and it's time that it stopped. I will continue to do my best, to work hard, to see all my projects through. However, I will no longer be going above and beyond. I will no longer be working long hours. I will no longer be volunteering for corporate initiatives and taking on extra work. I haven't seen much return on the investment I have made in my job. What usually happens when an investment doesn't see good returns? That investment gets reallocated. Right? Simple math.

So, I am now reallocating the time and energy I would have previously earmarked for extra effort in my job to things that matter to me more - like my own interests, my own creative pursuits, my own life. I'm not going to become some work slacker, I'm just going to be smarter about the way I approach my job. It's like a relationship in the sense that if one person gives and gives and the other just takes and takes then the relationship isn't a very productive one. I'm going to make better investments with myself. Time and energy are priceless and impossible to get back once spent. They better be spent on worthy causes. Here's to a smarter personal portfolio.



By the way, David Paterson just took the oath of office and is now the governor of the state of New York. His swearing in ceremony was very moving and exciting. I was surprisingly giddy listening to it on the radio. His speech was great - he's a funny guy and he was jovial and light and inclusive. In order to read a speech he has to use incredibly large type, so he typically speaks candidly, on the fly. It was human and real. The first black governor of NY. The first legally blind governor of NY. He has grace and charm and I have high hopes for his term. I hope he is met with cooperation and respect. He deserves it. He served in the state senate representing Harlem for 21 years. The man has experience. Super cool thing: governors of NJ, CT, and MA were all present today. It's a regional love-fest.

Fierce. Or something like it.

*SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want to know who won Project Runway you should stop reading now*

There is something empowering about watching someone's dream come true. It's inspiring. It makes the possibility of your own dreams a little more realistic. It shows you that there is a way to get things done. It puts a tangible spin on a very conceptual idea.

While it is uplifting and wonderful to see someone else's dream become their reality, it is also a crushing reminder that your dreams are still just that - dreams. Your reality is the same as it was yesterday, the same as it will be tomorrow. The same, that is, unless you change it. Unless you do something to shake up the mix.

Are you any closer to your dreams than you were yesterday? I can safely say that I am closer to some and farther away from others. The ones that I've moved away from aren't the ones I've decided to let fall by the wayside, they're the ones I want very much but have done nothing to attain.

Tonight I watched Christian, that little snivelling punk, win Project Runway. He's talented, very talented. He sees things that most people don't see and he works with fabric in a way that is transformational and artistic. His dream came true. And you know what? He didn't get to the top by being nice to everyone. Anyone who watched the show knows he's no fairy godmother. He got to the top by talent and audacity alone. I could learn a good lesson from him. I could. I should. Maybe I will.

Can't see straight

Just got home from the redeye back to New York. So glad to be back. New York never looked so good to me. Best part? Matthew brought Duke with him when he came to pick me up at the airport. That was the most adorable welcoming committee ever formed.

Quick story about my ditzy behavior this week before I head off for a nap: Tuesday morning my flight took off at 6AM, so I was going through security around 4:45. It was wicked early and I was quite sleepy. Everyone in line went through the motions - take off shoes, place them in bin, take off jacket, place it in bin, take laptop out of bag, place it in bin, take off belt... you get the idea. I was putting my shoes back on when I heard a woman behind me start to scream and yell. She had been picked for random search and she was none too happy about it. Her volume kept increasing and so did the tension at the security checkpoint. She was pissed because she was apparently running a little late and she was insistent that she was being searched because she was black. You can imagine how it escalated from there. It was loud. The whole scenario was so damn loud. I couldn't wait to get away from the screaming. I got to my gate, relieved I had escaped the ruckus. I boarded the plane, connected in Cincinnati, boarded another plane for Seattle, everything was fine. About halfway to Seattle I opened my eyes wide and my heart started to race, it almost felt as if I had the wind knocked out of me. Why? I realized I left my laptop at the checkpoint. I never put the thing back in my bag. I was so concerned with getting my various clothes back on so I could get away from The Screamer that I just left without it. I had to borrow a computer all week from the Seattle office and hope and pray that when I got back to JFK they'd have mine in the lost & found.


You wouldn't believe how many laptops they have there! The woman working the desk told me they get about 2 a day - and that's just one terminal. Each terminal has its own TSA department and each department has its own lost & found. 2 laptops per day x 4 terminals... you get the idea. The kicker is that they had my laptop, but it doesn't have my name in it yet since it's one of the replacement computers IT had to send me when I had all those hardware issues last week. It still had the IT guy's name in it. I told her what name would be in it, but she wasn't going to let me take it because the name wasn't mine. Sorry lady, but I can guarantee you no one would be able to randomly guess a Pakistani name with more syllables than you can count. It's not the kind of name you just pull out of thin air. She was dead set on following procedure and said I couldn't take it unless this guy got on the phone to verify I could have it. There was no way I could get a hold of him at 6AM Seattle time on a Saturday morning. I figured I had to do the only thing I could think of to get that computer back.

I turned on the waterworks. Crying does it every time. I can cry at the drop of a hat, so this worked out well. I started blubbering about how if I didn't have that computer for my meeting on Monday morning I'd get fired and I'm getting married in 3 months and I won't be able to pay for the wedding and my fiance would leave me and I'd be shunned by my family... It was a stellar performance. A real show stopper. A minute after the tears started I was walking out of the airport, computer in hand.

Home again, home again...

Heading home tonight at 11:05. Nothing like a redeye flight to let you know you're living (gag). The trip has been more productive than I expected it to be and the meetings were far less stressful than I had anticipated. Things still aren't peachy keen on the job front, but at least now I feel it will be easier to stick it out until after the wedding and make a decision about whether to stay or go then. I have a little more peace of mind now and that makes a huge difference. Almost like my job got a little stay of execution.

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

And then another... and another... and another...

Tomorrow morning I fly out to Seattle at 6AM. Yeah, I know. 6AM. The kicker is that it's not even a direct flight. I have to go the entire way across the country and my company didn't even spring for a direct flight. But wait, it gets better.

Wednesday morning (again at 6AM) I fly down to San Jose to go see my client. Later that afternoon I fly back to Seattle. I actually get to stay in Seattle all day Thursday with no flights anywhere else. On Friday I fly home... on the redeye. But wait, it gets better.

The redeye isn't a direct flight, either. Yeah, I know. I connect at Dulles. Funny thing is, if I had a longer layover my mom could meet me for breakfast on Saturday morning at the airport before I fly back to JFK.

6 flights in a 4 day period. One redeye. One pissed off Melissa. To make it worse, the whole time I'm out there I have to put on this happy face like everything's fine and I love my job and I'm the chipper, positive, little cheerleader they need me to be. They're looking to me to infuse this group of people with energy and enthusiasm. Unfortunately for them, they've missed their window. Their cheerleader isn't even watching the game anymore. The only thing she's concerned with is when it's going to end.

I'm off to Etsy Labs for a bit to exercise my creative parts and cleanse my soul of this very corporate day. Perhaps Julie will be there again. She's great. Crafty people tend to rule.